Books

Band-Aids for Broken Dreams

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Disclaimer: This is a BTS fanfiction and one of my favorite stories from @kyrifics(kyra). I really like the way she writes. Here’s the link you if want to read: Band-Aid for Broken Dreams

As Socrates once said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing”.

Isn’t that human nature? We take what liberty we have. We cling onto whatever lifeboat we can grab in the midst of a sea storm.

Maybe we don’t miss people simply because they’re absent , but rather the opposite. Maybe we miss people because we always carry them in our memories like an extra heart; present even when they’re not.

“I used to think I knew who I was and what my dream was, but somewhere along the way I guess I lost sight of it. So I came here to find myself, but instead I just…”
Broke myself.
“Lost myself,”

“We make decisions, yeah- some good, others terrible. Do you regret yours?”
“If you don’t, then that means somewhere deep down inside, you’re still holding out hope that things will work out,” Yoongi says sternly.
“Think of it as a journey, Jimin, not a destination. Yes you’ll be miserable at times, but it will pass.”

So cry. Cry now so that when tomorrow comes, you’re back on your A game again.

“Is happiness the absence of sadness? I think happiness is amplified by sadness. After all, how do you learn the value of good moments if you don’t know what it’s like to be without them?”

‘Why does love hurt?’ I don’t exactly agree that love hurts. Loneliness hurts. Rejection and disappointment hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. But love, in its purest form… i don’t think it’s capable of hurting. Only people are.

Finding your right people and your home is like a jigsaw puzzle game. Takes a while to fit the pieces together.

Things happen for a reason. I don’t want to worry or be anxious about things I can’t control anymore. Whatever happens will happen whether I like it or not. I can’t break down over every single thing that doesn’t go my way.

Books

Almond (Won-Pyung Sohn)

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*I love taking down notes of lines/paragraphs that struck me whenever I read a book. And here’s my take home from the book “Almond” by Won-Pyung Sohn

I have almonds inside me.
So do you.
So those you love and those you hate.
No one can feel them.
You just know they are there.
This story is, in short, about a monster meeting another monster. One of the monsters is me.

Books took me to places I could never go otherwise. They shared the confessions of people I’d never met and lives I’d never witnessed. The emotions I could never feel, and the events I hadn’t experienced could all be found in those volumes. They were completely different by nature from TV shows or movies.

The worlds of movies, soap operas, or cartoons were already so meticulous that there were no blanks left for me to fill in. There was nothing left for me to change in that world.

But books were different. They had lots of blanks. Blanks between words and even between lines. I could squeeze myself in there and sit, or walk, or scribble down my thoughts. It didn’t matter if I had no idea what the words meant. Turning the pages was half the battles.

Once you repeat the same word over and over, there comes a time when its meaning fades.

“Anything will lose its meaning if you repeat it often enough,” she said. “At first you feel you are getting the hang of it, but then as time goes by, you feel like the meaning’s changing and becoming tarnished. Then, finally, it gets lost. Completely fades to white.”

I guess sometimes ambiance can give you appetite more than the actual taste does.

It’s good to help others if there’s no harm.

There is no such person who can’t be saved. There are only people who give up on trying to save others.

Anyway, this sounds like cliche but you’ll eventually meet the people who you’re meant to meet, no matter what happens. Time will tell if your relationship with him is meant to be.

It’s better to try than do nothing.

When sadness and disappointment get out of control, and there is no solution, people start thinking bad thoughts.

Poetry

i am 28

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July 1, 2020

One thing I realized in this lifetime
Inner battle is the hardest to fight
And you cannot win this battle alone
So surround yourself with fighters like you
In the past, I felt like I keep on running in an endless road
But I suddenly got tired and came to a halt
And I thought: If I really need to get back on track
I need to first seek and reached out to God
At 28, I'm still trying to figure out my own self
What are my dreams and my motivations?
What do I want to do? Where do I want to be?
I promise back then that I'll be more honest with myself
These days, I'm slowly learning how to be me
By soaking myself in books of self-discovery
Spending time with my kindred spirits
And most of all, listening to the shout of the voice within me
Poetry

a broken soul’s lament

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June 23, 2020

The ghost of the past sometimes lingers
I was slowly drifting away but no one reached out
The people I trust and look up seemed not to care
And so I stopped coming and going for a while
I was afraid to face other people
I was afraid to be judged by them
I was afraid that I will never find the right words to say
And then I stopped being available
I was anxious that no one reached out
No one even noticed that I was drifting away
And I began to think that they were all selfish
And did not really care about other's sufferings
But sometimes I think it was also my mistakes
For not being open with them
But I was still young and vulnerable
And always felt like a lost soul in this realm
Their self-righteousness and my immaturity
I started to blame everything around me
From being hurt to having no care anymore
A lament of a numb heart of a once broken soul
Poetry

pink cloud

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April 28, 2020

It is almost sunset
I am surrounded by still waters
As I soak myself in the ocean
I see you as I look up at the sky
A beautiful pink cloud
Hanging peacefully above
A sudden smile formed on my lips
Thinking how beautiful you are indeed
I don't know how long I stare
For your beauty spreads out everywhere
Calm and peace inside my heart
Thank you for letting me see your beauty from afar
Poetry

unrequited love

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Written on: 2009

We met one day
You teased me everyday
I got angry for what you did
Maybe I care but I don't need

As the day passed by
I felt strange but I think it's a lie
Everyday I see you smiling
But I think you're just kidding

What am I going to do now
'Cause I think I'm falling for your somehow
But I have to fight the feelings I have
Because I know you have another love

But why are you giving me special care?
As if you're just taking someone's dare
I wish you are not joking around
Because I'm loving how it sounds

Our communication finally stops
And I guess it'll never again starts
But one day you called for me
For some friendly things, I see
Blogs

Finding your passion in life

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I’ve read this blog last year (2019) and I hope this year (2020) I’ll be able to find my passion or in much appropriate term, to rekindle the fire in my heart. Below are my notes for the blog I read (I can’t find the link tho, huhu)

  1. Ask yourself these three simple questions?
    – What subject could I read 500 books about without getting bored?
    – What could I do for five years straight without getting paid?
    – What would I spend my time doing if I had complete financial abundance to do anything?
  2. Don’t presume that your passion should be your job
    – “Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.”
  3. Work out what you hate doing
    – List the jobs or tasks that you absolutely loathe or hate.
  4. Find the things that you are mediocre at
    – Have lots of specialization
    – “They have fusion of skills, often not even exceptional skills, but they’ve made their fusion exceptional.”
  5. Forget the ‘Eureka’ moment
    – Spending 20 minutes each day thinking about the things that have interested you recently, or any opportunities that you have spotted.
    – True passion is not found overnight, but it is realized through series of discoveries of small interests.
  6. Remember what you love doing as a kid
    – Did you love to draw or write stories when you were young?
  7. Create something brand new
    – “When you create something new, you are inventing something to be passionate about.”
  8. Try visualization